I Can't Stand Publishing My Christmas Posts In July - Op-Ed Piece
There is nothing like timing.
I came up with a great Christmas post for you to read.
One that captures the colorful imagination and loving heart of the season.
It is charming like Santa and his red cheeks coming down your chimney.
It is empathetic like Rudolph and his red nose leading the sleigh.
It is hopeful like Scrooge and his renewed outlook on life.
It is also now July and my readers are not interested in that sort of stuff.
Because it is too damn hot out there to be talking about snow.
Aside from that one person who feels it is normal to play Christmas music all year round.
“It’s okay. I’ve been listening to The Beach Boys Christmas songs all day. It really gets me into the Christmas spirit.”
How? You are wearing a Hawaiian shirt and have on too much sunscreen.
Oh boy, I messed up this one.
Like when you go on a long rant about a new book you just picked up in the bookstore.
The guy had a funny name too.
“Clearly the guy didn’t get the memo. Your name matters. Your name shouldn’t sound like a private part. No author can be called Mary Tits, or Larry Cock, they’d get no respect. All that author needs to do is release 69 books and they are set for life. Authors’ names matter. This guy whose book I picked up must feel bad about his awful name.”
Then someone who actually reads mentions that you are talking about Charles Dickens, and that guy has been dead for a while and his last name didn’t hurt his legacy at all.
He is one of the greatest writers of all time.
Also on a side note; can we all agree the wordplay in the book A Tale Of Two Cities is overused.
· A Tale Of Two Teams
· A Tale Of Two Halfs
· A Tale Of Two (whatever, you get the point)
Can we stop using that wordplay like it’s clever?
All posts about Christmas are to be published on Christmas.
No later.
Everyone knows that.
Like everyone knows Alexander The Great conquered the known world.
And blowing on your cartridge helped the game when it wasn’t working.
And everyone knows all Christmas posts are to be set no later than Christmas.
It’s practically common knowledge.
I know that Christmas is the same time every year and is basically the same every year.
Santa breaks into your house.
Rudolph deals with the abuse of his fellow reindeer and gets compared to George Washington.
And Scrooge becomes a good person.
I still attest that one of these days he won’t be forgiven.
70 years of being an asshole.
That’s a lot of making up to do.
It’d be funny if one of these days he lost.
Oh, and my Christmas post that I plan to publish on Christmas will sit on my desk until that hot summer day.
I’ll publish it then.
And I’ll act all nonchalant like I didn’t miss Christmas by half a year.
“Oh, yeah so this is a post about Scrooge. Hope you like it.”
Brian Wilson is the only one who even reads the damn post.
Damn.
Like I said, timing is everything.
And to be clear, Dickens was the guy’s real name right?
Ha. That’s funny.
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About The Blogger
Greg Luti is an editor and blogger on pensandwords.com. His favorite writers are Robert Frost and Charles Bukowski. He enjoys reading up on history, watching comedies, and playing video games, when he is not writing down a few notes for his next piece. He started this blog out of his love for literature and hopes that the reader shares that same passion.
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